>>6776403The last column in that wallpaper is too real, intimately close to the feelings we all have in situations like that.
I just lost my father on the 12th. He was 55, and died due to complications from open heart surgery. They had him on the heart lung machine the entire time I was there, having flown back home once it was clear his post-operative condition was failing.
I'm not even done with college yet, and was completely unprepared to lose my father. Unlike your wife, my dad's body was dying. His heart was too weak after the surgery, his tissues were becoming inflamed, and they couldn't filter out all the toxins that were slowly building up in his body.
My mother, sister, and I sat in that room with him all night, after we sent everyone else home. We watched him fade. Eventually, as it became clear that he wouldn't make it to morning, despite all the assistance being given, we said our final goodbyes and ended life support.
I cried more in the two days before he passed and in the weeks after than I have in my entire life. I said a eulogy at the service the next week, and shook hands and received hugs in the days that followed.
But all the sadness in the world couldn't bring him back. We got more years with him than nature intended anyways, and he lived a good life. I'll always be haunted by the things I didn't get to say to him, the questions I didn't need to ask yet, questions that I thought I'd be able to ask later when they were more relevant to my life.
But even now, less than a month later, I can feel myself improving. Building better habits, trying to be a better person despite the hardship and the sadness. I know I'm never going to stop missing him, but I also know he would want me to keep moving forward, not just for him but for myself. I just wish I had found that drive sooner, for a happier reason than the death of my dad.
Anyways, thanks for sharing your story. I really needed to get that off my chest.
I included another wallpaper too.
