>>17431670>Have you thought about psychiatric help, satan?Yes, but I've decided against it. It doesn't effect anyone but me, and even then it's just a tinge of the big sad when it does effect me. I've finally pieced together why I feel this way towards Loona, and why I seem to require someone who cares about me to function.
It's because of my fear of abandonment, spiderfag. Remember how I told you about my panic attack? As it turns out, I've had a lot of those throughout my life, looking back. I'm so scared of everyone I love leaving me. That's why I feel so compelled to wander. Can't hate me if I'm gone all the time.
In Loona, I see that fear as well. I see someone who knows how it feels to have your whole world crash into you at mach speed, and leave you on the side of the road.
The irony is, I've avoided this conclusion, but I think I've known for some time. I need a constant in my life. Someone who won't leave me because I speak in a weird way, or say the wrong things sometimes. I need someone empathetic with the fear I have, so that I can grow. I've never had that in my life, I realize.
I'm so broken, but maybe that's ok. You don't throw away a guitar because it's got problems, you fix it because you know you can make it better.
