>>3458217If there's one piece of advice I could give you it's to never be afraid to do something just because you don't have anyone to do it with. I always wanted to travel but never had anyone to do it with so a couple years back I decided to just say fuck it and go by myself, and yes; it was pretty horrifying at first. In my first couple days I got lost and called my dad in a panic because I was scared and didn't know what to do because no one there spoke my language. It was extremely frightening and embarrassing but I'm very glad I went through it because it allowed me to grow and gain a deeper understanding of the world. Ever since then I've become addicted to travelling, partially because the thrill makes me feel alive and partially because it feels like I always learn something new about myself and about the world whenever I throw myself into an unknown place.
Now I'm not trying to say that this is the way to go for you as well, but it's what worked for me after coming from a pretty bad place myself. I used to deal with problems like self-harm and suicidal thoughts all throughout my teens and I'm still a mess when it comes to social interaction. but through the years I've learned to appreciate life bit by bit. I still get down from time to time, mainly due to the loneliness, but after living alone for 3 years and numerous solo trips abroad it's no longer something that can keep me down for any longer than a fleeting moment.
Life is tough anon, but so is it everchanging. You won't recognize yourself from now 5 years in the future. Healing is possible, and I hope positive feelings will find you very, very soon.
