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Sheldon put LSD my dad's water bottle on an S24O with Grant and he was never the same again. All he wanted to do was set up cantilever brakes all day and stare at pictures of quill stems and lugs on iBOB all night. He replaced his shoelaces with twine and got fired from his job as VP at Kellogg's. He said "ain't no big thing" and abandoned our family on a tandem bike tour through South America. He said we were 'too racer' and he was an 'unracer' now and left my mom with the Carradice, a bag of oatmeal and a pop can stove. She had to turn tricks for Sterno while we hitchhiked back to the border. I'll never forgive these bastards. Last night I saw a bike with downtube shifters parked outside the bar and taco'ed the wheels with a piece of broken cement. God damn it dad why did you leave us like that you fucker... Fuck steel, fuck freewheels, FUCK fixed gear, FUCK 650B CONVERSIONS