Quoted By:
Posting another review I wrote before I go do real-life things
>The Wag of a Finger
I misspelled the title of this review as “The Wah of a Finger” on initial writing and now I can’t stop thinking of Waluigi Munchlax.
Anyways, the narration here is great. I like how it’s mostly impartial with just a dash of comedy- it really helps balance out Beast’s Gordon Ramsay-like qualities well haha. Insurance agencies in the PMD world would also be fucking rich, so it’s funny that they’re here. The worldbuilding-obsessed part of my brain may be screeching “REEE POST-INDUSTRIAL BUSINESS IN A PRE-INDUSTRIAL WORLD” but the better part of my brain is instead appreciating such luxuries as this scenario
Beast being told off for summoning the wrath of god and arguing with an insurance agent over its legality and validity as a heavenly act, fucking incredible lol
Will always appreciate descriptions of the guild building itself, too.
Why does a Raichu-Froslass pair sound so familiar..?
If I had to offer critique, maybe tone down the use of adverbs
It’s not a major thing, just something I know is a common thing with a lot of writers myself included
Anything that ends in -ly can usually be described better with other words, and seeing that suffix repeated so often can stifle imagination or tire the reader out a little, so it’s better to try and minimize adverbs when possible. At least from what I know. It’s not really a critique, more of a tip. I really enjoyed this one haha. Looking forward to reading the other two.