I’m here to review another story.
>Chespin’s Week, Day 2>https://rentry.org/chespinsweek#day-2First of all, this has better formatting than your previous stories, so I’m glad you took my advice there. I also think you wrote Team Misfits well. There were good interactions and dialogue throughout, and the battle was interesting and enjoyable due to the items. I also like how you handled
Cyndaquil, and the way Chespin’s thoughts regarding him develop over the course of the story.
However, I wish Wooper was more relevant to this chapter. He’s only mentioned a handful of times here, and the only time Chespin actually speaks about Wooper is at the very end, for a super brief mention to which only Torchic replies. I felt like there was a missed opportunity to have Chespin and the Misfits discuss his feelings about being away from Wooper.
Also, I feel like Chespin’s reaction to
being frozen solid in the climax was too subdued.
Is this the first time he’s been completely encased in ice? I know he was partially frozen in Toge’s story, but if this was the first time he was totally frozen, I think the experience should’ve been more traumatic/visceral/emotional, since it’s literally his worst nightmare. You also could’ve shown him being shaken even after it’s over. Then again, the way you depict it here is mostly acceptable—and you did do a story where he starts to get over his fear of ice, so maybe the more subdued reaction to being frozen is okay. I just think you could’ve done a bit more with this scene, conveying his emotions with even more detail and impact.Overall, a pretty good entry to the story, and I’m looking forward to the rest of Chespin’s week.
>>54302618>>54302663Sweet, congrats on finishing your story! I’ll try to read this soon.
And even though I don’t speak French, the reviews look very thorough. You’re lucky you have a friend like that.