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When I was 15 I experienced bullying that escalated into physical and almost sexual abuse (but I managed to stop the latter from fully happening, luckily). The friends I had since I was a toddler, basically all my life, decided to believe the lies my abuser told them about me, and never once asked for my side of the story. They also started harassing me to the point I had to leave that school, the one I was in all my life, and the anxiety that whole scenario caused me made me unable to properly finish high school. I mean, I did, but with a shitty program where you go to some shady place at night and the receptionist who took a liking to my mother gave me all the test results in advance. I never had a proper chance to grow and develop mentally in a proper environment with people my age, and that made me very stunted in many ways. It's been 10 years and I keep dreaming about those people every goddamn night and I can't stand it, to the point I try to remain awake as much as I can. In those one of these things happen
>I'm back at school to properly finish my studies but everyone looks at me with disgust and resents me
>Same as above but everyone actually tries to apologize to me, which I don't accept
>Same as above but we're all super duper great friends, including with my abuser
And the worst one
>Same as above but I'm also deathly afraid of my abuser and act like a puppy, speaking low and trembling, following behind them everywhere, doing everything they want in fear they'll do something bad to me again if I don't
I'm fucking sick of this, I'd like to think that irl I'm over those people, since I haven't seen nor heard of them in a decade (not counting my abuser using my photos as reaction images on their Twitter for two years after that), but I keep having these dreams over and over again every goddamn night. I don't know how to make it stop but I can't take it. I know that maybe it's my brain trying to find closure in those missing school years but c'mon, enough.
