>>44994906The thing is, I've always been open about this, all my family knows, all my Steam friends know, even my ex-friends know (managed to finally tell my side years later) except they still refuse to acknowledge what I say and still think my abuser is right. Ironically, that person went on to become your usual Twitter user who constantly writes about "how awful mistreating others is, we should fight against bullying" and such. Hell, I barely escaped from your sexual attack attempt, not even counting the "minor" things you did before, and now have the gall to write that?
But I don't care about them, I wouldn't want to have people like that in my life to begin with. That's why it upsets me, I'd like to think I'm over it all but clearly it left a big scar on my mind since I keep having these dreams, and I hate it even more because I don't want anything to do with them! I'm aware my education and social life were abruptly cut and that's also the reason for this "disconnect" in my mind. Without counting those night classes I was basically a total shut in, scared to go out and do anything, I actually can't remember what I did until I was 20, it's like a black hole in my memory. I do still struggle irl and find it hard to make friends, I went to college and while I got along with the others I didn't make a single friend.
I did try going to a therapist, but she was awful. It felt like talking to a wall, like she was making fun of me, even. I'll give a shitty example, but say I decided to open up and went into detail about why I like the color purple and what I feel when I see it, only for her to go "well, the people into green are usually.. ", "but.. I just said that pur-", "yes, yes, you're a person who likes green". Every session was the same, and I was looking into getting a new one but covid happened.
Funnily enough, I do think writing that post helped. Last night I actually had a wonderful dream, filled with things that make me happy. So maybe writing is my cure?
