>>46232385>brutally>As ordained and commanded by Arceus, the sun would rise for another dayArceus bullying the sun better be important if you're going to open with God having to do chores.
>and were intended to last foreverSunflora smiles and Hoothoot cringes are the keystones of the universe?
>It is thus unknown if Arceus intended for HumansHow does the previous paragraph have anything to do with humans?
>species numbers<species'
>shall be the primary focus of the story forthcomingWay to ruin the surprise, Narrator.
Forget about "show, don't tell," this is "tell that the teller is telling."
>Few had … the world has … until three months agoTense shifted from past to present to past again.
>The rules were simple to followAnd now those rules follow. [Telling till my hair pulls itself out.]
>Yet, every so often, a Human is born with this talent(See below.)
>This is that story.In the criminal justice system... [Gavel gavel.]
>Toby looked down at the simple mapSTOP! Right here! This is where your story starts. All that shit up there could be rolled up into a quality opening scene.
Look at your ingredients: Trainer with ears for pokemon language (simple conceit, tax on suspension of disbelief), one-mon first-form for team (default start for a new trainer), an entrypoint to your private region that needs lots of explanation (that's a lot of damage, er, exposition!), and a lurking humanity-domination theme in the background.
Now, make those into something that links it all in a logical way. New trainer (canon region style) gets his starter, but doesn't immediately journey; discovers he can figure out what his pokemon is saying; goes in for testing to be sure he's not nuts, gets confirmed as a hearer; develops a mood that human domination of the world might be suboptimal; Baranga opens the gates and specifically wants Hearer trainers, gets the list of trainers confirmed to have this talent and sends out invites. (cont)
