>>59293695Just some personal grammar changes I'd make.
>“ I’m the strongest of us all, after all. E-he.”Here you're saying all twice pretty much, I know it's for different things but it sounds kind of repetitive regardless.
Perhaps change it to
>Out of all of us, I'm the strongest. Ehe."Then there's this one
>Contrast to the peaceful room, the corridor was a hellscape.I would just change contrast to unlike. It doesn't really fit in my opinion but that's up to you.
>Unlike the peaceful room, the corridor was a hellscape.This one you actually do it at the time, but you're writing it in past tense.
>making me gagged a little as I rested against the wall.Just leave it as
>making me gagThe rest are mostly passable, I won't correct every little thing but those stood out the most.
Interesting work as with the other two, I'm curious to see how Nerissa and FWMC interactions will be.
