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Something is eating at me friends. I feel like a fool for showing public affection to my oshi, who might as well be a bag of cement in how affectionate back she is towards her viewers. I think people are probably confused why a person like her is loved at all, she has so few kind traits to show for herself. But doing stuff with her in mind is a huge drive for me, even if she doesn't care. I have to gaslight myself into thinking im just like those japanese men who have no shame about a hobby they lost their mind in, or some dudes fixated on loving one character, and so its totally socially acceptable like a cute mental illness. Just to avoid my shame destroying me.
