Holy shit, two cakes!
>>71133558You had me in the first half, not gonna lie. I didn't know it was gonna go that way until it did. Not normally my thing, but you built it up nicely. I will say you got a little crazy with the punctuation though, some of has a very stop and go flow to it. Overall I had fun with it.
>>71136513Not bad for a rough draft. For the next iteration I would recommend spacing your lines out, it'll make it easier on the eyes.
Kanata in this seems to go from 60 to 0 in this. First she's running down Anon like her career depends on it, then she just kinda let's him off the hook? She also shows her hand a little too soon with how her role is causing her too much stress, especially to a delinquent she is meant to be disciplining. I think if these are story beats that will come out over time, and not necessarily in the intro, it'll be awesome. Looking forward to seeing more of this if you plan on it!