>>65535923Thanks for writing it! Good on you for sticking to your deadline goal and accepting the potential shortcomings that may have come with that. All things considered it came out alright, and you already seem to be learning some good lessons from it. When I get a second set of eyes on something I write, I personally like to make the proposed changes and edits, and then run it by them again. Having been the second set of eyes myself, I end up catching things I didn't the first time also in this type of back and forth.
The Iroha stuff you had planned out sounds interesting, but like you said, that subplot would be better suited for a series format. I think it feels tacked on in this piece because it was bordering on the cusp of being something more when it was mostly meant to act to show Anon's unconscious reluctance to get close emotionally to other women, while cali was being the same with dudes.
