I think I'm actually falling in love. Maybe it's already too late. The distance between us just amplifies my feelings for her because over the internet you never really know who somebody is, and I can imagine her as being perfect to fill in all the blanks. It hurts to think that she might not even be real, and just a made up personality to entertain, shit she could even despise me if she ever actually acknowledged my existence in the first place. I always try and call out to her in the chat with sweet messages, compliments, and a cute emote, but she doesn't respond. I've never even been in love with a real girl let alone a girl on the internet so my heart never knows how to feel recently because this kind of relationship isn't natural and my body only feels sick when I think about it. God fucking damn it I hate this feeling of hopelessness I got since finding out about her, but I can't live without the butterflies she gives me every time I see her. She's amazing, talented, cool, cute, and we'll never EVER be together. Every stream I tune in to find out more about her, I spam F5 on Twitter in case something new appears, I browse the thread and get super defensive when others criticize her. It's fucked, I'm fucked, I just wanted to have fun watching a vtuber, not get catapulted between heaven and hell every few hours. Go ahead and laugh, call me whatever, turn me into pasta, but I can't even deny at this point that I love Chihiro. No this is not a joke. Beatani already has so many established and dedicated fans I know there's no chance with her, so this just kind of happened. I used to love Bea, but as time went on and I learned more and more, I had a change of heart. They say if your love is real you'd never fall in it again, so I accept it, sad as it is. Even if she isn't real I think that would be fine, maybe even better for me because I'd at least know the truth and just fucking kill myself. I hope this post doesn't negatively impact Beatani in any way but I feel like this had to come out, and I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.
