>>69446490I sorta know how you feel. I struggled for years with trying to fit in, and meeting all these weird definitions and views of what people thought I was and trying to square that with what I am and what I was interested in. And college is meh at best, but as you said does open doors.
It took me 8 years to graduate college. But once I had that piece of paper, I could apply for... less painful jobs. Eventually, I found something I was good at that wasn't super miserable, and made some money to support my hobbies, and slowly figured out the kinds of people I liked talking to and that liked talking to me.
It will take time to figure it all out, you don't need to do it all NOW. All you have to do is learn to mask enough to get through social situations with minimal awkwardness (some awkwardness is fine, normies are awkward too). Learn to tell polite lies to normies to get them off your back and not stand out, and hide your power level. Just figure out the bare minimum you need to do, and make a plan to do one thing related to that each day. Reward yourself with chuubas, but keep your hobbies private. They don't have the right to know.
And to be honest, most of the people in your life will forget about all this shit if they haven't already. I remember freaking out for MONTHS over what i'd say when I went back, how awkward it would be, etc etc etc.
When I went back to school finally, and ran into old "friends", 99% of the time it was "Oh hey man, whats up? Oh you took some time off? Cool, anyways wanna play some games?". No one cared, really. If anything, they were quietly sad but proud that I was doing things for myself, or quietly grossed out but fuck them.
Seems like you have a good understanding of areas to improve your social mask, try watching some autistic youtubers for advice on masking strategies and how to manage frustration in awkward social situations.
But real talk, as an autist you will have infinitely better treatment if you get a degree and can get a sperg knowledge job. Being an autist working at mcdonalds with a bunch of loser normies will be decades of hell. At least in a white collar job, you might be more likely to meet someone who also likes chuubas and can work with a PC.
You've got this anon, I think you know what you need to do but are scared of the outcome. If you're scared, that means it is important to you.
Try to figure out which parts are important to you, and focus on those. And then think about the least painful way to get there.
