>>76843974/3
This felt nice to write, I feel much better now but I would also like an outside perspective since there is no one irl I could talk to about this, it's really embarrassing to think this way. I was gonna talk to her about this tomorrow when I meet her but I'm too scared because it would be a really shitty move on my side and I'll just come out 1. seeming pathetic, and 2. making her feel like a slut and thus her resenting me and me ruining this relationship.
I really don't want to ruin this, I've never felt intimate with someone else like this and it really sucks that I can't even have this in peace, of course it would be too good that I could've just enjoyed this without any consequences. It seems like I have a lot of issues with myself. This all has nothing to do with her, every bit of this issue stems from my insecurities. I knew I had huge trust issues before but damn. I mean this isn't even a trust issue because I trust her a lot and would never doubt of her cheating or anything, she genuinely seems like such a nice human being and would never do anything to hurt me, it's just jealousy, pure self-loathing and selfishness of me. God I hate myself.
