>>7894516Fourth girlfriend was the sweetest relationship with a bitter fucking ending after 6 years of sacrificing every bit of myself to make her happy, from denying my friends, to suffering fights because of her inability to be social, to her inability to commit to a future and instead look to her own, to her inability to react like a human being at the first sign of shit hitting the fan, to her inability to control her anger when stuff just didn't go her way.
She had lots of downsides but was sweet, caring and always there for me somehow. But after three years of literally 0 affection, no sex, no kissing, a hug a month if only and no closeness whatsoever I just started to get this feeling like she was distancing herself so much and only cared about her feelings that after three years of trying to tell her that I need her, late night crying on my part and the void of loneliness when I was supposed to feel a presence instead was just way worse than being actually alone.
After that experience, I'd rather actually be alone than with someone who will make me feel alone in the presence of her, it's much more soul crushing, when you're alone, you know you're alone, you recognize the idea that there's nobody there, perhaps there's even some tranquility in silence, but when you get with a person like that, you just feel like that someone that's supposed to be present is only present for themselves, you're just a crutch and nothing else.
I had to break it off for it broke me off.
I still can't love anyone else two years after the fact, every girl I get close with, I just see her face, I just remember that I was happy when things were right, I just remember her smile and laughter that were reserved only for me, because of me, I remember her warmth and way of jumping on top of me while I was on the couch or the late night talks about random shit under the night sky.
And I tried, I had to break up with another chick simply because I just couldn't.
