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I've had gender dysphoria for a long time - for as long as I can remember - with it increasing in intensity these past few years. The feeling is ever present but I have never had the courage to act on it, attempt to supress it, do anything about it, or even tell anyone about it. I haven't cut my hair for the past year and it's a sort of experiment associated with that I guess - me searching for the identity that always has and always will allude me.
Theres a weird, complicated series of emotions I get from this stupid little weeb wallpaper. The androgynous clothing, long hair, blatant feminine color that bleeds from it to the background creating a dreamlike feeling of an altered reality, her about to cut her hair, etc. When I'm feeling particularly melodramatic I get the sense that the character is a reflection of me from a different life, one where I was born as the opposite gender, still dealing with the same issues - the scissors ready to slightly alter my appearence in hopes of finding some sort of happiness and escape from my current life and situation. Obviously I fantasize about having been born the opposite gender a lot and in a weird way that I can't understand it gives me peace seeing this image and trying to imagine for a second that even if I had been born the opposite gender, maybe things wouldn't really be that much better in my life or maybe I would have other problems.
Like I said before, thats when I feel like overanalyzing a dumb anime pic. 90% of the time I take the slightly less analytical, but equally as dumb, route and it reminds me that eventually I'll have to make an ultimatum - i'll have to cut my hair, maybe get /fit/, and do everything I can to forget about these things and be the gender I am now, outwardly living a normal life while inwardly feeling completely wrong, or put down the scissors and fall completely into this feeling I've felt my entire life, outwardly sabotaging myself for maybe just a fraction of inner peace.