>>7283940I don't know anymore, anon. This time last year I started a new job making great money, had several close friends to talk to on a regular basis, and a gf that I loved and who loved me. Now, 1 year later, I put in my 2 weeks at that same job as I realized that there is little room for advancement in several years. Outta my 3 close friends: 1 backstabbed me and another in April (the 3 of us lived together) by letting us know he was leaving 1 month before the lease expired having the 2 of us pay for a 3 bedroom apartment 50/50. My gf and I broke up in June not because we hated each other but because we knew with her schedule regarding work, school, and her moving to DC in December that things would get to the point we would hate each other. Something neither of us wanted. Then in September my friend I was splitting the rent with moved to Texas for a better position in his job. Now, I sit here typing a rant in a nearly dead thread, eating fast food (knowing I shouldn't), smoking cigarettes again (was clean for 1 year), hoping to hear back from Tinder sloots (knowing they will do nothing but make me bitter each rejection or shallow hookup), debating to spike my drink with alcohol to stop the anxiety, and still wondering WTF to do with my life at 23. The new job will make decent money with actual room to advance, but I figured I would've had a general idea of what I wanted outta life by this point. Instead I am as empty and as hollow as ever. I can say I've come a long way in terms of mental health to where I no longer put myself to sleep fantasizing about suicide, yet I still wonder if I'd kill myself at 25 if I still feel the same way I do now. If I'd still keep my promise to my 20yo self if we still weren't happy in life we'd pull the trigger. IDK. Perhaps it's just the sudden isolation and learning to cope.
>inb4 therapyBeen to a psych ward 2x and put on several different meds in the past. I will never trust the mental health system in America ever again