Quoted By:
I tell myself I’ve moved on from some people in my life, but I’m still frustrated. They've said some ugly things, I believed it, but now I do not.
I haven’t read messages I received from one of them. I don’t want to, because I don’t want this damn cycle going on any longer. I want to, because I want to argue and defend myself and prove that I’m right and they’re wrong and they should apologize to me and I’m better than them because I’m busy and I go outside and do things instead of sit around on the internet and think about people and and and
And whatever because I can tell that someone who’s “over it” wouldn’t be thinking like that and wouldn’t be ranting about it.
I stay constantly busy to distract myself from stressors, and when I’m not busy, I fill that time with typical procrastination things. No matter what it feels like I’m obsessed with something: My diet, my personal life, or being busy. I’ve successfully controlled these impulses now and then (leaving after my obligations are finished at one of my jobs instead of lingering with friends, realistically prioritizing tasks, not counting calories, not reading messages) but I honestly feel that this impulsivity to avoid stressors + my dwelling on the past + my eating issues
It’s even more ridiculous because I find myself easily justifying the above behaviors: I’m going outside more, working out, being more sociable, doing things I enjoy. I was wronged and berated by people and have reason to be upset still. I’m losing weight because I’m working toward an actual goal body and skill set.
I’m so tired, I have actual things I need to do.
