>>6157464I can relate to those feelings hard except my story is that I broke up with my girlfriend for the second time (the first time was a short high school stint we had in 10th grade) before she was moving across the world for college. I've had extreme regret ever since. It's my first year as well and have felt extremely bad for multiple reasons other than this, unable to leave my room and doing just enough to get by with a passing grade in my classes.
It's been around 9 months since then but we still talk about once or twice a month briefly but like you said it's just really hard and weird. Despite getting a new boyfriend, new friends, etc. after I broke her heart before she moved away, for some reason she always starts our brief little awkward conversations we occasionally have. I really enjoy talking to her and staying in touch (though once I ask her anything relatively personal she usually just stops responding) but it just confuses me why she would still bother. Maybe she's only doing it when she's high on some drug. I know she recently got kicked out of that school on the other side of the world because of her depression and her getting into some drugs pretty heavily. I don't know the reason.
It's pretty ironic that the reason I broke it off with her was because of the future distance but less than a year later she's right back home near me. Even though it's not logical, this thought makes me feel a ton of regret.
If these emotions weren't childlike enough, I feel an even more childlike emotion of envy for my friends (who are also friends with her) to be going home for the summer and hanging around her while I'm in college taking summer classes. This stupid anxiety about this happening, even though I know it's logically a good decision for me to stay here, is one of the things that keeps me up awake every night and it'll probably just get worse when it's actually happening a few weeks from now.
No matter what, I can't seem to move on from the past.
