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Sometimes I like to eat ecstasy and set up a gladiator arena in my yard. I make kittens fight puppies, to the death. I dress up like Cesar and cheer them on. I eat the winner. Don't worry, they're rescue animals. I have a heart. Actually, I have 2. One belonged to my neighbor. His dog peed on my tree. I keep it in a jar out front to remind the others.