>>7944088My friends? Id buy a ticket to Thailand and tell them that I am going to bang some trannies in Pattaya for a couple of months. Even if someone would care enough ask about me, they would never be able to find me, not in Thailand for sure. I'd take a gun and walk to a nice place in the country, far from civilization. I'd find a nice meadow, preferably in spring, lay down on the grass and just look at the clouds and the sky for a while. Then when a particularly cold breeze passes over me, I would place the tip of the nozzle against the side of my head and die a very painful but hopefully short death, with my brain matter scattered over the green grass and white chamomiles. Typing this out and reading it really is funny. 'What an idiot this guy is, he really wants to kill himself cause he feels sleepy? That is even more retarded than Werther's reason and he was a simp, wow what a fuckface.' Yes. I realize this is stupid. Im not sure I want this anymore. But I feel stuck, stuck in this weird mindset of ennui and laziness. I think I want my life to be better, I think I want to improve myself but that is not easy. Its easier to just do nothing, to just rot away playing games or jerking off in my free time. Its easier to just promise myself a quick release from the mess I am making when I reach 30... I dont know, well I do. Why am I writing this? I dont know, well, I do. Just to get it out of my head, to put it some form, to give this crockpot of dirrhea that are my thoughts some tangible shape of words which we can then hopefully mock together...
If you read through these two posts I can only say that I am sorry for wasting your time with this inane babble.