>>40718007>>40722148>>40722532First off, thanks for giving it a read and the thoughtful feedback. The three of you seem to be hitting pretty similar beats in regards to what I can be doing better, which is great. When I write HJ, I get very focused in almost every scene and step as they connect to one another, which ends up making the chapters super long, so for this I tried a less is more approach with the scenes. Part of that I think stemmed from being self-conscious of how stuff I write tends to get really long, and I know that can turn some people off. I can kinda see how I went a little too far in the other direction though, now that it sounds like it would read a little better if I let myself get more into the scenery details.
I do plan to get a little deeper into the characters of the rest of the gang, since they are ultimately an important part of Kurokami's life and as Anon and her grow closer, he will come to know them more as well.
This is pretty useful feedback! I can definitely use this to help make the later chapters of everything I write a bit better. The next segment might benefit from an outline that I might try to do tonight.