>>56558932Couldn't resist when I read the tags.
>MarcoOh boy, here we go. Personally I don't mind named self-inserts, but they're not everyone's cup of tea. Some feel personally cucked when the SI isn't named Anon.
>First mating seasonlove a good ol' "Oh yeah, hormones, I don't need to explain SHIT!" I'm not complaining, I just felt like pointing it out because it's fun.
The set up moves a tad too fast. Little boy Marco just walks up to Pekomi and says "My penis feels funny!"
As a self proclaimed connoi/ss/eur, the appeal of shota is their innocence. Would've been better if Marco was more rounadbout about it because he felt a little shame or embarrassament talking about it. By the time you commited to the innocence angle, the image was already spoiled, at least for me it was.
This is more of a nitpick, but I don't like big dicked shota for the same reason as above, still to each their own.
Same as Pekomi doing a 180° after deepthroating a vegetable and going "Yeah, I'm fucking this 11 year old." I don't mind it too much, however.
The scene before the sex is a bit on the nose. We know the queen of a nation is about to cheat on her husband with a little boy, there's not really a need to restate it.
The description of Pekomi's body was the right amount of tasteful and obscene. Really tickles my fancy when the hags have some belly. What does a man need a skinny woman for?
As for the smut itself, I liked it. The scene was paced very well and the play with the lipstick made me smirk and little Marco doing like an actual rabbit and just assaulting Pekomi's face was a nice touch, but again, you don't need to restate it.
>Well, Marco, did you enjoy your first little step into adulthood?This gets the point across
>With how intensely you thrust into my mouth, it certainly seemed like you did, fufu~This is redundant.
Same with the crash course of sex-ed, and the rest of the fic. The problem repeated itself.
You did have your moments however.
>Her style of teaching was to lightly guide her students while they figured out things for themselves, and this was no exceptionExquisite. Love the wrong hole trope too, although you fell in the trap of anal to vaginal. Anuses are dirty anon.
>She took a moment to examine the ring on her finger, a small, silver band that’d been there for years…then she promptly slid it off and tossed it to the sideFantastic.
Pekomi broke a bit too fast for my taste, and I say that as an avid NTR fan. But hey, it's whatever.
As for the drama, it's insipid. It's there, but there's not enough leverage for me to truly take it in as drama.
Overall, I think it's an average piece. Not that good, but not bad either. Just average. There's a long way to go, but you're on the right track.
Also
>her eyes almost bulged in their sockets. Heh.
