Quoted By:
well i guess ill post some feels since everyone else is
im 20 and im stagnating
time is passing but im not changing
this summer will be the 3rd summer since ive graduated highschool but i have nothing to show for it
im working an entry level job that i don't like
i have no friends, zero
never really had a girlfriend
ive been depressed nonstop since middle school
i used to have a small group of friends but it dwindled as i became more depressed
i guess no one wants to hang out with a depressed piece of shit
probably the reason ive never had a relationship either
it all probably starts with my parents
father was an addict in my early childhood and have no memories of him from that time
mother was me and my siblings only parenting
he got clean when i was 7 or 8 but my parents relationship with each other never recovered
they were increasingly resentful of each other and turned to hedonism and debauchery (lavish vacations and an open marriage that they wern't very good at hiding) instead of counseling
this lead to me and my brother being pretty much alone for a 3 year period when i was finishing middle school and starting highschool (he is 4 years younger than me and has learning disabilities that have gone untreated)
we would see them in the morning or in the afternoon sometimes before and after work and then they would disappear to god knows where sometimes for a few days
basically during the most important and stressful years of my transition to adulthood, i had no parents
and the result is im completely clueless about how to better myself
in my senior year of highschool my general apathy got to a point that i barely showed up at all
i only graduated because its almost impossible not to
all throughout junior and senior year people would ask me what college im going to and what my plans for the future were and i wouldn't know what to tell them
no one ever showed me how to even know these things or care
i don't know how to be an adult
