Quoted By:
Don't mind me, I'm gonna type what's on my mind.
I've changed my life quite a bit since February, started reading the Bible, listening to JBP, picked up a couple programming books, radically altered my diet, changed my exercise and cardio routine, practice posture and stretches, been writing down my dreams and interpreting them, stuck to a consistent sleep schedule, dropped my caffeine addiction, said good-bye to my family, and I'm hoping I'm on the path to a better life. I'm only missing interacting with others in a meaningful way at this point. I've got my ducks in a row in my head, mostly, and in my everyday life, to a point, but I've really got no one to share it with and I think at this point if I were to get into a relationship, I would not hurt the other person inadvertently or on purpose. I know now where my spite came from, well I've always known but, I know now how and why. I know why I hated charity, compliments, and gifts that people gave me. I know where my resentment came from and I've seen my life thus far from a dream. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not where I want to be currently, but at least I'm alive. 10 years ago I didn't think I'd see my 22nd birthday let alone 26. I thought I'd stab myself through the heart with a soldering iron or something.
I've had a lot of pain in my life and my mother apologized. That made me happy even though my brother spit vile betrayal and my father sat before me, crying, as if he knew he was seeing a grandparent for the last time. It hurt me when my brother acted the way he did, but I've been betrayed many times before that. I was over it in a couple of days. I felt nothing though, sitting before my father. His pain and anguished is what he earned and he did not seek to apologize or recognize fault in any of his actions. The best I could get out of him was, 'Well that probably wasn't my best decision.' In context of beating both of us for writing our names on our new beds as little kids. The best part, he didn't drink.
