>>698414i cant tell if this is all meta or not so far.
its not like im devoid of those things.
i still get impulses to fuck, to fight, i probably fall in love all too easily with fantasy, fiction, reality.
i remember at some point early in age i sort of had an.. awakening. i remember my sudden epiphany of reality being teased as i was locked away in my own head and since then i have always wanted "more."
religion couldnt suspend my disbelief forever, people eventually became repetitive and predictable, the issues of feelings and the meanings and mysteries behind peoples words became less and less complex.
ive been picking apart my own head for years and very recently ive been uncovering my own issues and answers in my dreams.
im not some genius, im wrong sometimes but the shock and surprise of life is just gone.
im worried that ive hit the peak, that ive clawed existentially for so much more in everything in "life" that there isnt more to grab for.
yet i remain unsatisfied, disappointed.
yearning for more even of my own "esoteric" quandaries.
