>>52984923First of all, I REALLY enjoyed this. I'd like to think that you either took my Lui prompt from last thread and made it Fubuki, or had basically the same idea at roughly the same time - both of which would be based.
The piece shines really at the beginning, where the couple discovers and explores their forbidden feelings, all fueld by this setting of co-dependence caused by their circumstances in life. You sell that one really well, to the point where them turning to incest is almost rational, as fucked up as that sounds.
I do agree however that the smut scenes could've been switched for one big erotic piece and a few "fade to blacks" instead of these smut-snippets, I'd call them. Fubuki's lack of characterization has also been mentioned already.
Besides that, I really felt like the story lost its edge in the second half. All difficulties are gone just like that. The alcoholic mother and the absent father are suddenly home and act like perfectly normal parents. No mention of the time dad caught his kids doing each other. Not only is no risk of their affair presented - it changes nothing. Anon still marries, his wife and everyone else non the wiser.
Sad Genuine Smile was a lot better in that regard, because the affair actually had an effect - namely mind breaking Towa and making her a cuckqueen. This way it just felt really... harmless. It watered down the desperate love and lust between Fubu and Anon that was described earlier, making the affair seem almost like a casual fling.
The interactions between the two didn't help either. They suddenly "playfully insult" each other like two bros at a barbecue when before they had been nothing but loving and tender in their interactions. There's also not even a shred of guilt during the "rekindling" which, again, makes it seem too casual and takes out any emotional impact of the scene.
But for a OS to "hone your skills" this was a real banger and I'll revisit this story every now and then in the future, no doubt. Thanks, my man!
