>be me, an average american
>one day told by mom that I'm 1/16th Scottish
>I feel so proud of my heritage
>go to school wearing a kilt
>go to school drunk
>go to school with a fake scottish accent
>one day big, tall student arrives at my school
>HE'S SCOTTISH
>instantly befriend him
>we talk about scotland all days
>he talks about how people tried to steal his land
>I feel so much pride or my Scottish heritage
>one day he says he has to go back to scotland for vacation and invites me along
>beg mom; she says yes
>go on plane and arrive in scotland
>friend takes me to his home in the swamp, it doesn't seem right
>see beware ogre sign on entrance of his home
>I go into his room and see onions everywhere
>"W-w-w-who are y-y-y-y-y-y-you?"
>he takes off his disguise
>HOLY FUCK IT'S SHREK
>pulls out bag of DANK SWAMP KUSH and a FAT BLUNT
>"Ya' gonna' smoke this with me laddeh"
>I try to run, but he holds me down with his powerful, ogre hands
>he blows a hot smoke into my mouth
>try to resist, but it's good shit
>we smoke the entire bag
>"He might be an ogre, but this guy is a legit Scottish being."
>Shrek suddenly gets on top of me and puts his dick into my butt
>what the fuck is going on
>"My name is Shrek, laddeh. Shrek!"
>realize Shrek is Yiddish for fear
>realize Shrek is not a Scot, but a Jew
>cry as he rails my ass and shoots his ogre cum far into my anus
>he pulls out and I fall to the floor crying
>you should have checked yourself before you shreked yourself
>wake up next morning naked in Glasgow
>Shrek stole everything I had
Fucking Jews.
