I've been taken to a dark, bitter and resentful place, these are feelings I have not felt in MANY years. A festering pox on these vicious, hateful ghouls, a curse on their foul and arrogant house of narcissism and hypocrisy, it feels like there is NO misfortune too wicked for them. I'll move on, but I will never forget about this, not EVER.
Me, I'm going to be ok, but it doesn't feel like this kind of 'wound' will ever fully heal. It's not touching my personal life, it's not even close to the greatest crime I can think of (and I never listened to that band), but I have been seeing the sad culmination of something so pointlessly ugly and hateful that I cannot feel happy or in good spirits in this moment.
In my increasingly angsty teenage years, I took to this album, Dirt, not just for the vocals, instrumentals, or the lyrics, but for the sheer feeling of misery and rotting despair which emanates from each track in its own way. When you get to certain levels of self-hatred and hopelessness, especially as a dumb teen, this kind of stuff can almost be "cozy" in a perverse manner, someone else who sees the world as black.
https://youtu.be/lojHA_vBIVchttps://youtu.be/6vxz6pVTLschttps://youtu.be/kR8pC3pMlg8https://youtu.be/Llnc223naoQhttps://youtu.be/wEO8lODD2UEhttps://youtu.be/66tLRG_cj6ohttps://youtu.be/IicPO_Ynpxchttps://youtu.be/RdwQr8_yA9Ehttps://youtu.be/xLj8X5pW8T8https://youtu.be/jkCP32Ug2oYhttps://youtu.be/GqBGmKsR288https://youtu.be/Fa_zXSDVRT0https://youtu.be/ZTlKJp3kiDMMaybe not entirely healthy, but it was cathartic. In better times, I can look back at Dirt and listen to Layne Stanley's sorrows and misery, and it resonates still (and the music still sounds great), but it's not in the same way, I don't feel like that anymore, thus the contrast to myself now is the catharsis it brings me.
Except for now, but not so much at myself, rather exclusively towards others.
Have this stupid edge-cute image I casually tinkered with during my seething.