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The last time I felt free was before the pandemic. 5-6 years later, it feels like my life has been put in a stasis that all my effort only preserves. I don't get to roll the dice anymore. Most of my day just goes into work, and going to and from.
It drives me crazy. Stagnation cuts away at your soul like a razor.
I can't decide whether I want to keep going, or start over. I have started over before. I know I can do it. But at my age, I'm not going to get too many more chances to restart, or come back from a failed attempt at a restart. I've always trusted my decisions, but now I can't turn a single choice over in my mind that isn't trapped inside a cage of doubt.
Maybe leaving the place where I was born was a mistake after all.